Friday, February 20, 2009

assignment 6: i learn myself how to do something complete?

my assignment was to learn a new skill in a week.

also my body is host to a bitchin' cold.

now, how can one marry her diligence to rockyourface(tm.) with her desire to just sit on her couch drinking tea and watching season three of groundbreaking reality tv classic Nick and Jessica's the Newlyweds? answer: tasseography. and yes, that is the technical (by technical i mean scientifically legit just kidding i'm lying) name for it, tasseography, or the art of reading tea leaves.

"well i daresay, Malthea looks so much prettier now that she is psychic!"

let me tell you right now, that if you ever want me to read your tea leaves,
don't read this blog entry.

no, no, really, i tried to learn and i think i have enough jargon to fake it, but every website i found seemed to have a blatant contradiction to the methodology of the one before it--but i seem to be getting ahead of myself.

let's see if i can take you through the steps from memory.

step 1: procure some loose tea (there is this awesome british lady who claims that you can bust up a lipton tea bag and make the magic happen but we all know that is laughing in the face of the TRUE OCCULT. and because i am hardcore also note the use of loose leaf SANTA TEA!)

step 2: brew the mothafucking tea!



step 3: choose the right cup and saucer.

the cup should be wide rimmed if possible, with no internal designs or markings, and fit daintily on the saucer.

listen: not a lot of my dishes were clean. AND just in case you want to judge, it is an ancient turkish divination technique to read the sludge-like grounds left over after turkish coffee so i like to think that i am the universalist of reading drinky thingies to fortell which futurey things will happen-ish.

also that cup is so big in volume i think i am currently coming down from a severe overdose of caffeine. GAAAAAAAAAAAH! hi.

step 4: and this is really cool, you are supposed to just chill out and enjoy your tea. that's it. clear your head, and let it wander to whatever question you want answered, but mostly, enjoy your tea and CHILL! (at this point i am sweating because i am sure that the tea leaves are going to tell me my career is going to meet an untimely death tomorrow. or maybe that was just the caffeine kicking in.)

this is what i did, on loop for 20 minutes: also thinking about my life and blah blah blah.

step 5: once you have finished all but the dregs, swirl the remaining leaves around 3 times counter clockwise (or as much as you want it's kinda fun.) tip the cup on the saucer to get rid of excess liquid and VOILA! my future.

step 6: this is where it gets tricky.
--you read the symbols clockwise starting at the handle.
--the handle represents either what is closest to you (family, friends, current situation)
or what is closest to you in time.
--stuff at the top of the rim is most likely to happen and the closer to the bottom the more...un-predicty they become.

basically you are supposed to look for pictures in the leaves and let your intuition guide you to what it means based on their time line on the cup. our brains are REALLY good at this. the phenomenon of the human brain being predisposed to see things like faces and alien faces and jesus faces on peices of toast is called pareidolia and you can read about it here:
i still don't know how to say that word.


step 7: learn a moral about thinking for yourself.

there are dictionaries that tell you what the symbols mean.
i really wanted to read a definition that descended on my consciousness like a comfy prognosticating cloud carrying me into the atmosphere of my sky blue future (except for the cloud the future would be all clear.)
here are two definitions i got from the same symbol dictionary...

parasol: a new lover
umbrella: annoyances

so in tasseography you should really just let your brain just make shit up and go with it, which, in all honesty is a pretty good lesson. if you're a loser and into learning lessons!

but seriously now i can see babyducks in your tea dregs and i am certain you will love me for it.

this was too long.
i'm out. santa-tea-caffeine-crash!

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