Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Assignment 23: Wanna be like Mike

In honor of this being assignment 23, (the number that will forever be known to this Chicagoan as the number of one Mr. Michael Jordan), we shall focus in on sports for a change

Assignment: Think about something you are good at. ANYTHING at all. No, it does not have to be sports. Make a video of yourself doing it. Then make a video of yourself watching that video of yourself, while giving commentary on it LIKE a sports announcer. That's right, it's a bit meta.

Punishment: Video of yourself doing a sport... and you and I BOTH look stupid doing sports, El.

Deadline: A week and a half let's say. Saturday Sept 5 BY MIDNIGHT your time.

Monday, August 24, 2009

KNOCK KNOCK

MONDAY: trying to make a pun about what i ate for lunch and ending up judging my current state of unemployment knock knock.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Tuna.

Tuna who?

Tuna instrument and go get a job in an orchestra you lazy lout!

***********************************************************
TUESDAY: change your mind knock knock

Knock knock

Whose there?

Leaf.

Leaf who?

LEAF ME ALONE!

*******************************************

WEDNESDAY: illiciting jealously knock knock

KNOCK KNOCK!!!

Who's there?

SUPER TALENTED ACTRESS STARRING IN HER OWN WEBSERIES/TV SHOWS BY YOUR FAVORITE TV WRITER/ALSO PRETTY/ALSO LIKES NERD THINGS/ALSO ALSO REALLY LONG HAIR!!!

oh.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*********************************************
THURSDAY: semi-transylvanian knock knock

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Ivan.

Ivan Who?

Ivan my money back!

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FRIDAY: Jane Austin knock knock

Knock knock.

To whom may i have the pleasure of inviting in unannounced?

It's me.

It's me who.

It's me knickers all in a tangle over Mr. Darcy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SATURDAY: dirty knock knock

Knock knock

Who's there

Fuck.

Fuck who?

Fuck you. (keeps talking even though she doesn't open the door) Yeah that's right. Uh. That's what I'm gonna do. (stands there. gets bored. leaves.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SUNDAY: judgemental knock knock

Knock knock

Who's there.

Police.

Police who?

Police stop with all the awful knock knock jokes already.

TRANSMISSION OUT.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Knock Knock-It's assignment 22

Pay no attention to the head behind the green blanket.

Presenting: A knock knock joke for every day of the week.....
video

Monday, August 17, 2009

assignment 22:

knock knock

who's there?

assignment.

assignment who?

assignment 22 is to post a knock knock joke for every day of the week.
you can make them up, or find old ones.

post this bitch: next monday by 6pm. (you can post them all in one post.)
punishment: jerry lewis impression. on tape. on the blog.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

21: My summer chooses five

THIS SUMMER:
1. Taught at the Cherubs program at Northwestern University from the end of June through July. It is hard. Is is exhausting. It is the most important thing I do with my life. It feeds my insides. The kids this year were extraordinary. I miss them. I miss the way it makes me feel about me.
2. Because I was in Chicago, I got to see my niece and nephew a lot. Usually in my dorm room. Check out this video of Hoksila and Gloria Kate. He is using my toothbrush as an arm washer and pretending to shower behind my window curtain.

3. Mac Book Pro. Motherfuckers! I went Mac this summer- those commercials got to me finally. It's the sexiest thing I've ever owned (and I own a LOT of Barack Obama pictures). My wallet is sexily thin for the next year because of it.
4. Scariest thing to ever happen to me occurred two days after I got back to LA (about a week and a half ago as I write this): Robbed at gunpoint. Do not have video or photo of this event.

5. And because being mugged at gunpoint isn't enough, I have had extreme apartment problems since returning. Plants growing through my kitchen floor anyone? Grain beetles (yeah, those aren't crumbs) eating everything in my cabinets so that I need to fog the apartment and even THEN they don't all die so I have to throw out $200 of food AND call an exterminator? AND MY OVEN/MICROWAVE BROKE? August can SUCK IT long and hard.



Yay for ending on a frustrating/gross/bad note!!!

assignment 21.

here is a list.
the list is in no particular order on account of my thoughts don't want to hurt my other thought's feelings.

1.) this is a picture of a pimms cup. it is a cocktail with mint, cucumber, ginger ale and the liquor known as pimms #1. i am going to make it at my house tonight because i am hosting my first cocktail party. really, i hope the cocktail partly will be a gateway party to things like key parties, or rave parties, or killing people with machete parties. this is the first step down on the downward spiral of my adult life and i am loving it. PIMMS!





(also, i like that the picture of the pimms cup might actually be the headshot of Alexandra Grablewski. I hope she books the pimms commercial. you deserve it Alexandra, you went the extra mile to look the part!)

2.) three words, one of them redundant.
Laura on Laura.
it's a tale of two laura's.
it's Laura talking to another chick named Laura.

confused? so am i. it's a show i am trying to write now that i am officially unemployed. it's about comebacks so i feel like i should post about it because that makes it loosely related to this blog. anyway, here is a podcast of something i did not write, but is very silly and very close to the heart in my brain.

http://www.barrelofmonkeys.org/podcast/episode/018_friends/
i really wanted to show you the video of magical place that someone filmed at that's weird grandma on monday night but i am not on facebook. boo.

3.) Here is an excerpt from a Haruki Murakami novel called "Kafka on the Shore." I read it at the beginning of the summer and then I read more books. this one got me started reading. I'm not sure i totally understand this book and at the same time i do not know that I care that i don't. I will read it again someday, and all the other books! Anyway, here is where the character Johnnie Walker (the guy on the whisky bottle) explains why he does what he does...


"Listen--I'm not killing cats just for the fun of it. I'm not so disturbed i find it amusing." he went on. "I'm not just some dilettante with time on his hands. It takes time and effort to gather and kill this many cats. I'm collecting them to collect their souls, which I use to create a special kind of flute. And when I blow that flute it'll let me collect even larger souls. Then I'll collect larger souls and make an even bigger flute."

isn't that why we are all doing it?
also, this book made me scared.

4.) gift. i love it.








5.) montreal is a city in quebec in canada in north america on the globe called earth in the solar system. you should go there in the summer.

list done.
yay!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Assignment WE'RE BACK BITCHES

KATE WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR SINGLE-HANDEDLY RUNNING THE BLOG INTO THE GROUND. IT WAS NOT HER INTENTION. THE UPSIDE IS SHE NOW KNOWS A HIDDEN TALENT: "SCREECHING HALTS".

KATE'S MOTHER WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING HER.

This week's assignment: Top Five We Missed. However you decide to do it... give us the top five moments of your summer since the blog halted. (Also, "top" doesn't have to mean good, so perhaps instead of "top" five moments it should be "Crucial" five moments in shaping your summer).

Due: Next Sunday, August 16th by midnight your time.

Bold
We're back, bitches.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Back on Track


El- New Assignment will be up this Sunday. Along with an apology letter from me for ruining the blog.


And an apology letter from my mother for making me.


Kate