Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
but the good news is i got this in on time before i drove home for the holidays!
1.) i have no idea how to add sound on a separate track from a video.
2.) i edited this video in the car on the ride home. we live in the future, y'all!
3.) this is what i look like when i first get up in the morning...my apologies for the rest of your life having seen it. and yes we eat yesterdays leftovers for breakfast.
here he is. bill from true blood. believable, and hot. fangy smooch!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
i am pissed at myself.
because i was really excited about capturing something about the winter in the windy city--something great about all this blustery, blistery, blizzardy goodness.
to recap: in the past week it snowed twice. and i think with the windchill it dropped to seven below.
but i dropped the ball.
because of alan ball.
the soundtrack to this video is the music on the title sequence to disc 3 season 1 of true blood.
the real reason why i neglected to finish this.
p.s. sorry how close i got to the camera. i was going to do this other reveal of the tv screen and make a joke about true blood and hahaha but when i realized that video does not show up on video i ditched it and hahaha congrats to you for getting to look at my face.
p.p.s my eyes are bloodshot because i am up all night thinking about recipies to put in the slow cooker and vampire porn.
p.p.p.s. it really is that cold in my apartment. the other day, i slept in my long underwear, jeans, and BOM t-shirt so i would not be cold when i got up to go to the New Feild School Show at 6:45 am.
p.p.p.p.s. why have you not convinced me to move to LA yet?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
"Wardrobe Change" is noted by the mild cooling of weather, allowing you to wear the half of your wardrobe you don't get to wear the other 3/4 of the year. "Wardrobe Change" can also be seen when it rains in Los Angeles, which helps to justify that I have TWO pairs of rain boots for three days of rain.
This past week was a prime example of "Wardrobe Change". Three noticeable instances:
[Modeled by Ellie the elephant. Setting provided by Little Christmas Tree In My Living Room. Yes, even living rooms are affected by "Wardrobe Change".]
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
However you want. Just give us a taste of your winter. the season of endings and finality. the season of togetherness and good cheer. The season of that creepy looking lady in victorian mourning.
due: um...how about sunday of next week. midnights!
punish: (we should start having punishments for getting the assignment posts up late,) but here goes...you have to call someone you really don't want to call. and have a conversation with them.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
I have to be a super-geek and turn this assignment in early. I could try and make myself sound cool and all “Jet Set Laura” by saying: “Not sure where I’m gonna be this weekend and I don’t wanna turn it in late…” but that’s a lie. I got inspired to write you. So I am. Doing it. Now.
Time: 7:45pm Central
Location: the 24 hour Kinko’s/FedEx on Southport Avenue.
Task: To Laminate my PERSONAL CRAFT PROJECT.
These are cut outs I am going to paste to a foam board “thermometer”*
*“Thermometer” is in quotes because; as Jordan lovingly pointed out to me today it also looks like a giant “dick.” Thanks Jordan. Did I mention that this particular “thermometer” is only a proto-type?
I hereby declare this a “NO JUDGERS ZONE!”**
**it looks like a dick with small pox. too late!
Also can I mention that for those who enjoy diddling with machinery that works by applying pressure and heat, the self-serve laminating machine is an ABSOLUTE JOY…totheworld.
Man I am digressy.
So here’s the moral.
Moral: walking into Kinko’s at a weird, off-hour, other people partying, kind of time reminded me of a year I have not thought about very much. Which is weird because it was not that many years ago.
Let’s call it 2006, because that’s when it was. In 2006 I had two-almost-full-time jobs. Two of the most AMAZINGLY AWESOME JOBS ON THE PLANET. But, I might have been a little stressed out as I was worrying all the time and making compulsive lists with boxes next to phrases like “get organized!” “Stop sucking!” and “no, really stop sucking so much!” Oh, and this is cute: I also found myself weeping uncontrollably on my way to the theatre, checking myself into the hospital after I threw up all night to get an IV to rehydrate me so I could show up to perform later that evening (I missed some others due to Strep Throat and was in deep shit), for the first time, I froze onstage in a rehearsal (oh, the Indignity! Chastised and inwardly Unforgiven!) Finally, I caved and spent some of my hard earned money on therapy just because I needed someone to look me in the eye once a week and tell me I was not a bad person or CRAZY.
The good news is I also spent some Friday, and a lot more Saturday nights in 24 hr. Kinko’s/FedEx, usually when everyone else was drunk off their asses or sleeping. And Kate, if you are worried this missive is going to turn into a laundry list of complaints allow me to add that I was in Kinko’s on a Saturday night LEGITIMATELY ENOYING MYSELF.
Chronicle of a Past Routine:
1.) Finish Such and Such Comedy Show plus Mandatory But Free Improv set at 1:45am.
2.) Walk 4 city blocks in the bluster to car parked at the free spots next to the abandoned park district. Hate myself for not making better jokes. Realize improvisational comedy is about creating characters that react idiosyncratically in certain situations and not about making jokes. Realize funny people do not think about or describe comedy by using words like idiosyncrasy. Hate myself even more.
3.) As cast members hang out and drink, drive to 24 hr. Kinko’s/FedEx. Remember that a.) you are a nerd b.) that no one likes you and c.) that you work for the most amazing, creative, and impassioned not-for-profit you will ever work for. Allow your brain to detect a slight smile on your face.
4.) Photo-copy things. Feel like you have accomplished something successfully for the first time today. Something that, though you just killed a bunch of “baby trees,”** was helpful. Stack the papers neatly on the passenger seat of your car. Feel less alone. Sigh.
5.) Go to bed. It’s 3:30.
So here is the second moral.
Moral Number Two: I like my life right now. I really do. I wish I were helping more. Helping the world by doing good work. Helping myself by making more money. Helping my parents by appearing to elevate their genes with tokens of outward success. But at least I feel like I am driving the car, or steering the luge or whatever. And next time I have two full time jobs, I will immediately find a therapist, make note of the closest 24 hr. Kinko’s/FedEx, and I will motherfucking HANDLE IT LIKE A PRO.
And for that nugget of self-satisfaction here are my (incomplete) Special Thanks:
Thanks to Kate for actually liking me now and actually liking me in high school. And for being one of the hardest working people i know...she works all the time you guys, i can never get her on the phone!
Thanks to Jordan for catching my tears in a little vial.
Thanks to Levy for pantomiming catching her own tears in a little vial so I could steal that image for this blog.
Thanks to Heat for being FUNNY.
Thanks to Rebecca for making a brave move.
Thanks to Mookie, Ambrosia, and other faceless conspirators for letting me go (I plot against you daily, and when the despair hits me the hardest it is the only thing that keeps me going. And I am GOING.)
Thanks to Lacy for inspiring me to do my own personal laminated crafts projects again and (maybe) reading this.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
i got to geek out in the best way ever (drool, slobber, study, slobber!)
in two weeks my friend arnie will update his podcast, stupid nerd, which will feature an interiew with me....about neon genesis evangelion. that's right. i spent my thursday night talking about the finer points of my favorite anime. AND IT WAS AWESOME.
here is the link?
thank you arnie! i am still blushing!
p.s. the podcast will probably be way too long...because i refused to shut up. just rent the series. it will be worth it, more that experiencing the 2012 apocalypse with john cusack.
also i had a job where i got to look like an elf. and. i. legitmately. enjoyed. wearing. the. elf. ears.
is this my good side... ....or my 7th level druid night elf side?
i miss you world of warcraft.
and i just might rejoin you now that i have made more than $100.00.
Friday, November 6, 2009
To GEEK OUT "means":
1. To participate in or talk excessively about a current interest or obsession which is not part of mainstream culture.
2. To enthusiastically share details about a current interest which is of little or no importance to your audience.
...so i talked about rei ayanami instead!
Your assignment is to geek out about something and to post an assignment about it.
You can chronicle how you geeked out, or geek out to us, i don't care...just take a moment and let us in to your geekdom.
You have until next Sunday. Midnight.
Punish: You have to talk about the finer points of Gilligan's Island to the cutest person you see at the coffee-shop where you get your morning coffee.
P.S. just so we are all clear, as i write this it is friday night and am at home alone taking a break from trying to make that harmonic sound come out of my electric guitar. GEEEk!
Oh, and dear reader, expect more of this....
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Also, I'm not gonna lie, I might have used this assignment to eat a bite sized snickers.
And that's right, i use the phrase "pubescent girl body," to describe what i really think is at the crux of the novel and to a lesser extent the film "The Exorcist."
You can't read the scrolling credits very well but the barbies are on loan from a toy theatre adaptation of the 11th century epic poem, Beowulf. Ask me about it!
Also, i tried to make a way better into for this, like with Svengoolie* type panache. But like my scoliosis riddled spine, it didn't turn out so well. Here are the out-takes.
Thank you everyone, for watching that and not dumping me.
*fyi, this is svengoolie, an idol of mine.
And when is someone gonna get me a decent haircut?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
not like a draft of a paper, those are kind of a nuisance, but a draft of cold air.
the kind of draft that slinks in under your window
in the dark dark uncozy night or in the unfriendly morning,
the draft that seeks out your tiny pre-osteoperosis-old-lady-bones
and makes you shiver. with. an unholy. sense of your mortality. i exaggerate.
storm window! go down! go fuck yourself!
you can't read it because the dial machine is a failure on almost all counts. i will translate it says: "laura, touch me. mmmmm, do it. push my dial up past 65, or hey, 70, doesn't 70 feel soooooooooo good? mmmmm?" (laura touches dial machine.) dial machine goes:"70! you just spent 70 dollars HAHAHAHAHA!" (laura doesn't think it's funny.)
my only friend. (it's a space heater)
until my encounter with.....
A YETI! GAH! and HELLO KITTY FLANNEL P.J.'s!!! AHHH!
i now like you because in you i have found a semi-legitimate excuse to live out my dream of dressing like an anime character, dressing like a yeti-monster, in my own home.
YETI SAY: BI-BI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YETI GO BI-BI!!!!!!!
I’ve made a list of everything that I hate about commercial auditions and this one in particular (for Taco Bell), and I have found an equal and opposite reason to like it.
HATE: Every breakdown I ever get describes the part I am auditioning for as something of the following, “Plain to normal looking. The girl next door”. [Oh, you mean the UGLY girl next door] “Not too pretty”. “From the Midwest” “Someone you might see working in a WalMart”. This audition was “Normal to Attractive Looking”
LIKE: The word attractive made it into this breakdown and the prefix un- was not there!
HATE: Having to get changed into a daytime whore costume at my office, leaving work and driving in the hot sun whilst sweating off daytime whore make-up (fuck YOU October weather), and having to parade my daytime whore self four blocks from the parking spot in the 2:00pm hour to the casting office.
LIKE: I got to leave work in the daytime. Suck it, suckers!
HATE: Girls sitting in waiting area sizing me up and judging me with their eyes.
LIKE: That I care about this audition 100 times less than they do. Again, suck it suckers.
HATE: Lines like, “Is that guy eating the new crispy taco from Taco Bell?” being taken with any level of seriousness.
LIKE: The new crispy taco?
HATE: Girls being fake-nice afterwards.
LIKE: My voice isn’t that octave.
HATE: I didn’t book it and someone else made allllll that money.
LIKE: Most of these girls didn’t book it. So please.... Suck. It. Suckers.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
i too, wanted to see where the spirit sent me when i got drunk, thinking i would maybe find some new dance moves, or say something really honest and profound, or at least create a scene.
instead, i texted people.
i went to a fancy fundraiser for a very fancy theater company.
two glasses of wine later (yes that is all it takes,) i tried to help plan the post party.
also according to the following transmission, i might hate women.
12:00 am 10/17/09
on train bitch some to ttrader todds bitch before one am bitch come on mike can come. bitches. remind me to tell you something when we get home. Bitch.
(fyi: mike did not come)
12:25 am 10/1/00
(last helpful piece of party planning info)
in the bak bitc
AND THAT'S ALL ShE WrOTE. Seriously.
p.s. i love women. as long as everyone is my bitch!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
L, these past couple of months have been pretty hard for me. I need a release. I need to either get therapy or get drunk. I don't have any money for the former, so we're going for the latter.
Assignment: Get drunk. Do something. Document it. Make a drunk painting or cook a drunk meal. Just A. Get drunk B. Do ANYthing C. Present it.
Not that creative of an assignment, but this motherfucker is going to be fun.
Rules: Be safe. No driving.
Deadline: I'm giving us two weeks for this one just in case we don't have any time to do this in a safe manner. Do it by Sunday October 18th. If we both get it done before then, well good for us, we can move on.
Punishment: If either of us can't do this in two weeks then we are retarded. Therefore the punishment will be to record ourselved making fun of retarded people. Ain't no one like that video. Repercussions gay-lore!
I did, in my own defense, find a stand up competition to enter, but I don't have $40. My main goal was "Free Candy Contest", because that's all I ever really want- free candy. Nothing much going on now in terms of free candy.
How about I make up my own contest called, who can put a spin on why they failed assignment 26 so big.... (I will win this one).
- My huge showcase happened the week this was due. Been planning it since May.
- I had to go to my cousin's wedding which involved 14 hours of travel but less than 24 hours in the town of the wedding.
- Six more people (all my friends this time) got fired from work, so I am working extra hard now to not meet the same fate.
- I think sometimes I am too sad in LA to be anything other than lazy.
- I took a much needed day trip with my boyfriend to San Diego.
Yeah? Did I win? Did I spin it to satisfaction?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
in the spirit of contests, here are the runners up....
1.) blog cabin from the diy channel. somehow you blog to compete for a log cabin. after my hot water heater broke today and i almost cried, i concluded i could not rough it.
2.) any viral video contest that promised the winner over 10,000 to like make a viral video about some company's mediocre product. discovered that to win you need people to click on your video. and i do not own that many friends.
3.) every commercial audition i go on and do not win.
i have decided on two contests to enter, one of the body and one of the mind.
first, i am going to enter a flash fiction contest for women writers.
i have not written any fiction in a good long while.
i'm pretty bad at it, really, because i labor over plot until i hate all my ideas and can't spell anything. but flash fiction, or what i have gleaned about--rachel you will probably school me, is neat because it is really short! so maybe if i keep trying i'll come up with--as i used to say when i was in the improv biz "something wonderful right away." FLASH. i'm kind of excited. NO ONE WILL READ MY ENTRY, however. it will probably be about ghosts or vampires. or world of warcraft. BECAUSE I WILL BE TOO EMBARASSED. (how many words have i spelled wrong in this entry already?)
oh yeah, and second, i am going to try the 30 days for 30 dollars offer at a bikram yoga studio in andersonville. because i need to fight my namby pamby instincts to fear extreme temperatures. also, i subbed into a show tonight and discovered that i do not fit into any of my show pants. i don't have the money to buy new show pants.
also, i will probably not make it past the first day.
but if i do i will have WON!
Monday, September 21, 2009
not with you kate,
but with the world.
check out the lady sporting the laurel leaves. this picture leads me to believe she either won at reading, or being painted.
okay, so here is the assignment:
find a contest. any contest. enter it.
then try to win it.
hopefully this contest will win you money, but really i don't care if you want to spend your time trying to score a years supply of mrs. butterworth bottles (we all know you love waffles.) hopefully, you will share.
i don't know what the rules or the time line are for this contest, so
your post need only tell us what you are doing.
it goes without saying you need to update us with your contest conquest later.
you have almost a week to research
sunday midnight your time.
punishment: there is no excuse. you will have to call me on the phone and apologize.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
miss the days of mee-ow.
did i mention my neighbors think i'm weird?
i like that when i hold my fingers up for two, you can only see one. nice framing grey. also, i think i misused the cropping function on my video editing software. meaning i didn't want to crop anything but i did anyway. why can't i DO ANYTHING RIGHT! snivel, snivel.
more importantly, if you're are in the mood for something more...erhm, legit, let this musical mayhem wash over you.
ahh, it's like a campy lullaby.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Laura, you and I were in a sketch/improv group together called Mee-Ow. Two weekends ago, two of our friends from a Mee-Ow group I was in, were married (Daniel and Bridget DID IT!).
On the car ride there, two other Mee-Ow alums were carpooling with me (Martha and Jason). Mee-ow CD listening ensued. More Mee-Ow alums at the wedding (Gorbos, John Dixon, Alex Marlin, Briggs Hatton). Mee-Ow reminiscing ensued. The car ride there reminded me that though I am not a good singer, I sure did love feeling like a rock star. I want to feel like a rock star again.
The Assignment: Somehow, perform one of your Mee-Ow reject songs. You know you have some... they didn't make the cut because "Bye Bye Bye" and "Tequila" did.
The Punishment: Perform, in it's entirety "Ryan and Lee" (which for the record was a good sketch, but REALLY gets stuck in your head).
Due Date: Monday, Midnight your time
And yes, it is ILLEGAL how stunning Bridget is.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
second of all, this is not me now, but it was me then--it was highschool marching band day at the NU football game...*
*(careful, this is the most boring video i have ever taken, unless you like watching women struggle with their flag core moves. do you like how i put the footnote as close as possible to the statement i was notating? i learned that in college, you don't do that. i sure learned a lot.)
but northwestern totally won you guys! and it was the first time i set foot in the stadium after graduation, but before i ever watched a football game! ridiculous. i even stood up during plays because i a.) knew what was happening and b.) wanted to see what was happening and c.) cared.
i've grown into an amateur college football fan, something i never thought i would do. not ground shaking,
oh yeah, and because you probably want to know, this is me now...
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
it's fall yo.
but for me i no longer live in the land of structured activities
and for kate there are no seasons.
so, for our next assignment we are going to go back to school.
both kate and i are the girl outside the picture crying because that pretty b is talking about us.
yeah, kate, CHALLANGE!
whatever it means to you...go back to school and post it on here.
deadline next sunday at midnighty night!
punishment: sharpen 50 number 2 pencils by hand sharpener.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
i thought this was due TODAY by five. but rule number one: no excuses. breaking rule number one, i should tell you that part of the reason i am punished is that i went to michigan on friday to see my first ever football game in the big house. it was pretty cool, and you might notice i picked up a few "athletic" "pointers" which have served me well.
so take that desmond howard. laura and kate come to rock the pigskin, on your face style.
p.s. i totally broke my glasses.
p.p.s and maybe threw out my back...also i think my neighbors hate me, because i am weird.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Assignment: Think about something you are good at. ANYTHING at all. No, it does not have to be sports. Make a video of yourself doing it. Then make a video of yourself watching that video of yourself, while giving commentary on it LIKE a sports announcer. That's right, it's a bit meta.
Punishment: Video of yourself doing a sport... and you and I BOTH look stupid doing sports, El.
Deadline: A week and a half let's say. Saturday Sept 5 BY MIDNIGHT your time.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuna instrument and go get a job in an orchestra you lazy lout!
TUESDAY: change your mind knock knock
LEAF ME ALONE!
WEDNESDAY: illiciting jealously knock knock
SUPER TALENTED ACTRESS STARRING IN HER OWN WEBSERIES/TV SHOWS BY YOUR FAVORITE TV WRITER/ALSO PRETTY/ALSO LIKES NERD THINGS/ALSO ALSO REALLY LONG HAIR!!!
THURSDAY: semi-transylvanian knock knock
Ivan my money back!
FRIDAY: Jane Austin knock knock
To whom may i have the pleasure of inviting in unannounced?
It's me who.
It's me knickers all in a tangle over Mr. Darcy!
SATURDAY: dirty knock knock
Fuck you. (keeps talking even though she doesn't open the door) Yeah that's right. Uh. That's what I'm gonna do. (stands there. gets bored. leaves.)
SUNDAY: judgemental knock knock
Police stop with all the awful knock knock jokes already.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
assignment 22 is to post a knock knock joke for every day of the week.
you can make them up, or find old ones.
post this bitch: next monday by 6pm. (you can post them all in one post.)
punishment: jerry lewis impression. on tape. on the blog.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
the list is in no particular order on account of my thoughts don't want to hurt my other thought's feelings.
1.) this is a picture of a pimms cup. it is a cocktail with mint, cucumber, ginger ale and the liquor known as pimms #1. i am going to make it at my house tonight because i am hosting my first cocktail party. really, i hope the cocktail partly will be a gateway party to things like key parties, or rave parties, or killing people with machete parties. this is the first step down on the downward spiral of my adult life and i am loving it. PIMMS!
(also, i like that the picture of the pimms cup might actually be the headshot of Alexandra Grablewski. I hope she books the pimms commercial. you deserve it Alexandra, you went the extra mile to look the part!)
2.) three words, one of them redundant.
Laura on Laura.
it's a tale of two laura's.
it's Laura talking to another chick named Laura.
confused? so am i. it's a show i am trying to write now that i am officially unemployed. it's about comebacks so i feel like i should post about it because that makes it loosely related to this blog. anyway, here is a podcast of something i did not write, but is very silly and very close to the heart in my brain.
i really wanted to show you the video of magical place that someone filmed at that's weird grandma on monday night but i am not on facebook. boo.
3.) Here is an excerpt from a Haruki Murakami novel called "Kafka on the Shore." I read it at the beginning of the summer and then I read more books. this one got me started reading. I'm not sure i totally understand this book and at the same time i do not know that I care that i don't. I will read it again someday, and all the other books! Anyway, here is where the character Johnnie Walker (the guy on the whisky bottle) explains why he does what he does...
"Listen--I'm not killing cats just for the fun of it. I'm not so disturbed i find it amusing." he went on. "I'm not just some dilettante with time on his hands. It takes time and effort to gather and kill this many cats. I'm collecting them to collect their souls, which I use to create a special kind of flute. And when I blow that flute it'll let me collect even larger souls. Then I'll collect larger souls and make an even bigger flute."
isn't that why we are all doing it?
also, this book made me scared.
4.) gift. i love it.
5.) montreal is a city in quebec in canada in north america on the globe called earth in the solar system. you should go there in the summer.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
1.) It's roughly larger than the country of Croatia! And I bet it has more dead fish too!
2.) It and its cousins the Great Lakes (cool family name alert!) have been around since the Ice Age when giant ice glaciers scored the land with their giant ice bodies! They were the victim of land rape but survived to tell the tale--makes you feel good to know that those pesky glaciers don't always get the upper hand, doesn't it?
3.) When there is traffic i usually transform into an evil, rage filled, road gremlin in my vehicle. Not on Lake Shore Drive! It's pretty! There's a Ferris Wheel! A wave pool! Not too skinny people running--good for them! Dude on Rollerblades! And in the winter--the color WHITE! Also i like that Chicagoans abbreviate lake shore drive as plain old "LSD." it makes me feel like a road hippie instead.
4.) I drink its water straight out of the tap, every morning. Saves me a shit ton of money to buy fig newtons and shelf bra tank tops.
5.) It's bigger than me. It's older than me. It's greater than me. But i don't care. And i genuinely like having it around. Philosophical comfort alert!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
COTTON CANDY CUPCAKE FROM "CRUMBS"