assignment 31. DONE.

Dearest Kate,

I have to be a super-geek and turn this assignment in early. I could try and make myself sound cool and all “Jet Set Laura” by saying: “Not sure where I’m gonna be this weekend and I don’t wanna turn it in late…” but that’s a lie. I got inspired to write you. So I am. Doing it. Now.

Ok.

Time: 7:45pm Central

Location: the 24 hour Kinko’s/FedEx on Southport Avenue.

Task: To Laminate my PERSONAL CRAFT PROJECT.

These are cut outs I am going to paste to a foam board “thermometer”*

*“Thermometer” is in quotes because; as Jordan lovingly pointed out to me today it also looks like a giant “dick.” Thanks Jordan. Did I mention that this particular “thermometer” is only a proto-type?

I hereby declare this a “NO JUDGERS ZONE!”**

**it looks like a dick with small pox. too late!

Also can I mention that for those who enjoy diddling with machinery that works by applying pressure and heat, the self-serve laminating machine is an ABSOLUTE JOY…totheworld.

Man I am digressy.

So here’s the moral.

Moral: walking into Kinko’s at a weird, off-hour, other people partying, kind of time reminded me of a year I have not thought about very much. Which is weird because it was not that many years ago.

Let’s call it 2006, because that’s when it was. In 2006 I had two-almost-full-time jobs. Two of the most AMAZINGLY AWESOME JOBS ON THE PLANET. But, I might have been a little stressed out as I was worrying all the time and making compulsive lists with boxes next to phrases like “get organized!” “Stop sucking!” and “no, really stop sucking so much!” Oh, and this is cute: I also found myself weeping uncontrollably on my way to the theatre, checking myself into the hospital after I threw up all night to get an IV to rehydrate me so I could show up to perform later that evening (I missed some others due to Strep Throat and was in deep shit), for the first time, I froze onstage in a rehearsal (oh, the Indignity! Chastised and inwardly Unforgiven!) Finally, I caved and spent some of my hard earned money on therapy just because I needed someone to look me in the eye once a week and tell me I was not a bad person or CRAZY.

The good news is I also spent some Friday, and a lot more Saturday nights in 24 hr. Kinko’s/FedEx, usually when everyone else was drunk off their asses or sleeping. And Kate, if you are worried this missive is going to turn into a laundry list of complaints allow me to add that I was in Kinko’s on a Saturday night LEGITIMATELY ENOYING MYSELF.

Chronicle of a Past Routine:

1.) Finish Such and Such Comedy Show plus Mandatory But Free Improv set at 1:45am.

2.) Walk 4 city blocks in the bluster to car parked at the free spots next to the abandoned park district. Hate myself for not making better jokes. Realize improvisational comedy is about creating characters that react idiosyncratically in certain situations and not about making jokes. Realize funny people do not think about or describe comedy by using words like idiosyncrasy. Hate myself even more.

3.) As cast members hang out and drink, drive to 24 hr. Kinko’s/FedEx. Remember that a.) you are a nerd b.) that no one likes you and c.) that you work for the most amazing, creative, and impassioned not-for-profit you will ever work for. Allow your brain to detect a slight smile on your face.

4.) Photo-copy things. Feel like you have accomplished something successfully for the first time today. Something that, though you just killed a bunch of “baby trees,”** was helpful. Stack the papers neatly on the passenger seat of your car. Feel less alone. Sigh.

5.) Go to bed. It’s 3:30.

So here is the second moral.

Moral Number Two: I like my life right now. I really do. I wish I were helping more. Helping the world by doing good work. Helping myself by making more money. Helping my parents by appearing to elevate their genes with tokens of outward success. But at least I feel like I am driving the car, or steering the luge or whatever. And next time I have two full time jobs, I will immediately find a therapist, make note of the closest 24 hr. Kinko’s/FedEx, and I will motherfucking HANDLE IT LIKE A PRO.

And for that nugget of self-satisfaction here are my (incomplete) Special Thanks:

Thanks to Kate for actually liking me now and actually liking me in high school. And for being one of the hardest working people i know...she works all the time you guys, i can never get her on the phone!

Thanks to Jordan for catching my tears in a little vial.

Thanks to Levy for pantomiming catching her own tears in a little vial so I could steal that image for this blog.

Thanks to Heat for being FUNNY.

Thanks to Rebecca for making a brave move.

Thanks to Mookie, Ambrosia, and other faceless conspirators for letting me go (I plot against you daily, and when the despair hits me the hardest it is the only thing that keeps me going. And I am GOING.)

Thanks to Lacy for inspiring me to do my own personal laminated crafts projects again and (maybe) reading this.

**”baby dicks.”