CONTESTUALIZE.

okay guys i have been scouring the web for contests.

in the spirit of contests, here are the runners up....

1.) blog cabin from the diy channel. somehow you blog to compete for a log cabin. after my hot water heater broke today and i almost cried, i concluded i could not rough it.

2.) any viral video contest that promised the winner over 10,000 to like make a viral video about some company's mediocre product. discovered that to win you need people to click on your video. and i do not own that many friends.

3.) every commercial audition i go on and do not win.


i have decided on two contests to enter, one of the body and one of the mind.

first, i am going to enter a flash fiction contest for women writers.
i have not written any fiction in a good long while.
i'm pretty bad at it, really, because i labor over plot until i hate all my ideas and can't spell anything. but flash fiction, or what i have gleaned about--rachel you will probably school me, is neat because it is really short! so maybe if i keep trying i'll come up with--as i used to say when i was in the improv biz "something wonderful right away." FLASH. i'm kind of excited. NO ONE WILL READ MY ENTRY, however. it will probably be about ghosts or vampires. or world of warcraft. BECAUSE I WILL BE TOO EMBARASSED. (how many words have i spelled wrong in this entry already?)

proof:
http://wow-womenonwriting.com/contest.php

oh yeah, and second, i am going to try the 30 days for 30 dollars offer at a bikram yoga studio in andersonville. because i need to fight my namby pamby instincts to fear extreme temperatures. also, i subbed into a show tonight and discovered that i do not fit into any of my show pants. i don't have the money to buy new show pants.

also, i will probably not make it past the first day.
but if i do i will have WON!

love it.
laura.

assignment 26: contest conquest.

i'm feeling a little competitive.
not with you kate,
but with the world.




check out the lady sporting the laurel leaves. this picture leads me to believe she either won at reading, or being painted.

okay, so here is the assignment:
find a contest. any contest. enter it.
then try to win it.
hopefully this contest will win you money, but really i don't care if you want to spend your time trying to score a years supply of mrs. butterworth bottles (we all know you love waffles.) hopefully, you will share.

i don't know what the rules or the time line are for this contest, so
your post need only tell us what you are doing.
it goes without saying you need to update us with your contest conquest later.

you have almost a week to research
sunday midnight your time.

punishment: there is no excuse. you will have to call me on the phone and apologize.

boomsauce.
laura.

Assignment 25-

I need a Garage Band tutorial. I need a "How the fuck do you upload a song onto the internet" tutorial. Why won't Youtube just let me upload a song? Huh?

So I did what I could- Below is a video of a computer playing a song I composed with Garage Band. I have failed to "rock out" . The Cranberries and their "Dreams"........ shattered.

assignment twentyerohfsdhfsalk

k8!

miss the days of mee-ow.
miss you.

did i mention my neighbors think i'm weird?




i like that when i hold my fingers up for two, you can only see one. nice framing grey. also, i think i misused the cropping function on my video editing software. meaning i didn't want to crop anything but i did anyway. why can't i DO ANYTHING RIGHT! snivel, snivel.

more importantly, if you're are in the mood for something more...erhm, legit, let this musical mayhem wash over you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AepyGm9Me6w

ahh, it's like a campy lullaby.

end transmission.
alura.

Assignment 25: Mee-Ow-meries

Jesus! I can't post these assignments in a timely manner.

Laura, you and I were in a sketch/improv group together called Mee-Ow. Two weekends ago, two of our friends from a Mee-Ow group I was in, were married (Daniel and Bridget DID IT!).

On the car ride there, two other Mee-Ow alums were carpooling with me (Martha and Jason). Mee-ow CD listening ensued. More Mee-Ow alums at the wedding (Gorbos, John Dixon, Alex Marlin, Briggs Hatton). Mee-Ow reminiscing ensued. The car ride there reminded me that though I am not a good singer, I sure did love feeling like a rock star. I want to feel like a rock star again.

The Assignment: Somehow, perform one of your Mee-Ow reject songs. You know you have some... they didn't make the cut because "Bye Bye Bye" and "Tequila" did.

The Punishment: Perform, in it's entirety "Ryan and Lee" (which for the record was a good sketch, but REALLY gets stuck in your head).

Due Date: Monday, Midnight your time


And yes, it is ILLEGAL how stunning Bridget is.

assgnment 24.

first of all, this is not me...




second of all, this is not me now, but it was me then--it was highschool marching band day at the NU football game...*

*(careful, this is the most boring video i have ever taken, unless you like watching women struggle with their flag core moves. do you like how i put the footnote as close as possible to the statement i was notating? i learned that in college, you don't do that. i sure learned a lot.)




but northwestern totally won you guys! and it was the first time i set foot in the stadium after graduation, but before i ever watched a football game! ridiculous. i even stood up during plays because i a.) knew what was happening and b.) wanted to see what was happening and c.) cared.
i've grown into an amateur college football fan, something i never thought i would do. not ground shaking,

oh yeah, and because you probably want to know, this is me now...



THE END.

Assignment 24: Get an assignment notebook

Dear Diary,

I am going to Jefferson Jr. High tomorrow for my first day of 7th grade. It is scary. I wonder why my armpits sweat a lot. Maybe by the time I get to high school I will get so self-conscious about it that I will put a weird medicine under my arms to close my armpit pores, but then be hugely allergic to it as it turns my armpits yellow and I go into the bathroom to itch my pits and cry during every passing period. MAYBE!

You know me, diary, going back to school is all about the new things I get. Mom put asterisks in the store ads next to the school supplies I am allowed to get.

She even let me pick a new backpack. It has to be a Jansport because she's not going to pay a lot of money if it doesn't last through high school.

She also took me to Kohls for some clothes on sale. I wonder why she won't let me shop at Gap and Old Navy like the cool kids. Here is something I now own. Thanks, stupid Kohls.

http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/clearance/juniors1/tops/PRD~478347/Unionbay+DipHugDyed+Polo.jsp

And also, I wanted these. Aren't they soooooo hot?:

http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/shoes/juniors/mulesandclogs/PRD~386790/Unionbay+Park+Patchwork+Clogs.jsp

But she wouldn't let me get them... instead I had to get these:

http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/shoes/juniors/casual/PRD~472817/SO+Benji+Moccasins.jsp

I am most excited about junior high because they have something called snack bar. It's different than hot lunch. It's nachos and milkshakes. I can buy them for $2. I will eat them all the time, with no respect for the fact that one day, when I am 27 specifically, eating such nonsense and not concurrently getting obscenely fat will no longer be possible.

I hope Dan Stowell and I are boyfriend and girlfriend this year. We will talk on the phone a lot. I will give him a kiss on a cheek a year later and have guilt.

Love,

Kate, circa age 12

assignment 24

assignment 24 (which is what i hope the number is...because i am too lazy to check.)

it's fall yo.
but for me i no longer live in the land of structured activities
and for kate there are no seasons.

so, for our next assignment we are going to go back to school.




both kate and i are the girl outside the picture crying because that pretty b is talking about us.

yeah, kate, CHALLANGE!
whatever it means to you...go back to school and post it on here.

deadline next sunday at midnighty night!
punishment: sharpen 50 number 2 pencils by hand sharpener.

end transmission.

PUNISHMENT!

well,
shootskies!

i thought this was due TODAY by five. but rule number one: no excuses. breaking rule number one, i should tell you that part of the reason i am punished is that i went to michigan on friday to see my first ever football game in the big house. it was pretty cool, and you might notice i picked up a few "athletic" "pointers" which have served me well.

so take that desmond howard. laura and kate come to rock the pigskin, on your face style.



p.s. i totally broke my glasses.
p.p.s and maybe threw out my back...also i think my neighbors hate me, because i am weird.

the end.
laura.

Assignment 23: My own color commentary

Okay so disclaimer. I ended up hating this assignment and I invented it. I decided I should dance to hip hop because I think it is something I am good at. Then my life exploded and I moved and moving is hard hard HARD and boy do I have so many pimples because of it and September is fucking HOT. So I ended up having to film the commentary of the video in my empty bathroom of my old apartment so it sounds terrible, but suck it suckers... its the only seat left in the place.