what i really want to be is...(assignment 2 complete!)

i went to a website creatively entitled careertest.net and answered questions by clicking on bubbles next to statements like...

the statement that best descibes me is:
--what you see is what you get.
--still waters run deep.

ah yes, nothing like an early afternoon spent choosing my favorite cliche from a computerized cliche dichotomy! (but seriously somebody tell me what to do with my life.)

in case you were wondering, i clicked on "still waters," secretly hoping that at the end of the test it would redirect me to a webpage that said "Congratulations, your ideal career is: Henry David Thoreau!"






at the bottom of the page would be a upc code that i can "...print out and present to the officials at the gate for a free months stay at Walden Pond. Be cool, you have already penned your life's masterpieces, so you can pretty much relax and take it easy from now on. Have fun Henry David Thoreau! Neat chin beard! Thanks for taking the test!"

It turns out that i am an INTP which means Introverted, iNtuitive, Thiniking, Perceiving.

The perfect job for me is: ARCHITECT. because i'm supposed to be good at MATH. and COMPUTERS, i think.

Here are 7 reasons why i am not an architect.

1.) This test is based on the Myers--Briggs Type Indicator, which as i understand it (and by "understand" i mean "what i read on Wikipedia and immediately barfed back up in your face as if it were studied fact") the Myers--Briggs is a bastardized version of the Jungian theory of personality types revamped for career placement by an american housewife (Katherine Cook Briggs) and her ivy league educated cum mystery novel writing daughter (Isablelle Briggs Myers) neither of whom had any psychology degrees or prior experience in psychometric testing. To be fair, I just admitted that everything i say comes directly from Wikipedia without my ever gaining any first hand knowledge, so the whole "didn't have a degree in psychology" thing doesn't bother me at all, however, when have i ever taken career advice from my mother? Or Agatha Christie? C'mon, I cannot take the results of this test seriously.

2.) I'm bad at math. No, really. And drawing. Specifically drawing things to scale. Which would be a problem. For an architect.

3.) I would want to design every house with a jacuzzi bathtub at its center. Replacing the hearth. My architect catchphrase would be: No hearth. Only bubbles.

4.) If architect does not work out for me i can also become a forest ranger or forensic scientist. Unfortunatly i am afraid of both serial killers and bears. Scratch that, i am afraid of everything associated with any kind of workplace activity, from doing math equations in public to forgetting the copy code to looking stupid in a uniform. I guess since the fear of public speaking is so ubiquitous, it becomes a leveled fear--everyone is afraid of it...its normal--so that must be why i do what i do now. perform as a live, trained, stage monkey.

5.) Why isn't high class call girl on ANY of the career lists?

6.) Too lazy to go back to school. Also too poor.

7.) Listen to what this website said about me as an INTP:

they are, in other words, highly self-critical. Wanting to be competent and know everything, their standards grow increasingly higher. When fear of failing becomes overly pronounced, INTP's are quick to feel unintelligent, slow, and powerless...Their creative juices stop flowing and they suffer from stage fright, writers block, and a general inhibition of their ingenious thinking and fluent language skills. Preoccupied with performance failure, INTP's become self-consciously distracted in anticipation of their failure.

I was like, "woah, that's totally me!" then i peeked at the other descriptions and they were equally infused with blurbs about not people's not being able to realize one's full potentialness and general feelings of stuckness. Turns out, people who are surfing the web for career tests online are probably depressed and unsatisfied with what they are doing at the moment. Moral: if you want to do what you want to be doing, stop being so depressed.

But then i was like: "good job personality test you almost tricked me--wait that's what i want to be--something that effortlessly plays upon other people's insecurities!" So i have decided to become a supermodel turned womens magazine editor. A sort of Henry David Thoreau crossed with Tyra Banks.




TYRA: Hi walden pond. I'm a writer now. Also, you look fat.
WALDEN POND: I know Tyra, I know.
LAURA: Thanks Test.
TEST: You're welcome, Laura.
ALL: (High Five!)

end transmission.