11:2: Inviting you...

What: A "I'm sick of living out of bags when I go to my boyfriend's place" party, celebrating my newfound determination to leave my things in hidden spots at his place and my dedication to lessening the work I must do for this relationship.

Who is Invited: Laura Grey, Sojourner Truth (she did so much for women!), all of my ex-boyfriends

Where: My boyfriend's apartment. This sabotage is for real.

Food served: Alcohol from the tiny plane bottles and chicken nuggets- both are easy to hide.

Entertainment: We are going to play a game called "Take One Leave One". The object is to take one thing from my boyfriend's place, and to leave one thing of your own there WITHOUT BEING CAUGHT. The game begins as soon as you enter the party. If you get caught you have to leave the party.

Prize: You get to pick from one of my many bags that I will no longer need. Please see above picture.

What you should bring: Something from my registry. I am registered at amazon.com.

assignment 11 part two: you are invited.

it is raining, sleeting, and possibly snowing (i am trapped backstage at the theater right now so i have no idea what the real world looks like) in chicago tonight. this is how i feel about that: whatever. that is the preface to my party invitation.

laura's welcome to the americonomy party.
when: the next warm afternoon of chicago sunshine.
where: on the porch of my apartment
what: i will serve you apple pie, i will serve you corona (because
it is the only beer i really like to drink, but don't worry i will affix american flags and pictures of sexy eagles to all of the bottles--pictured below)

you are invited...if you walk by.

$2.00 per plate of pie and and a beer.
that's right...fun is no longer for free.

Assign Elev- Par Tw

Nice work, gumshoes- you have made up an event and registered for it. I'll be honest, I didn't know which direction part two was going to go. At first I thought part 2 was going to be, "now you must get yourself one thing from your own registry". Then I thought, well that's stupid because I have the inside scoop on that so I'll only put things that I'd actually get myself. Okay fine- we'll get the other person to get one thing off of our registry. Then I had the suggestion from my co-worker Tal (she's the one that took me to get fish) to have a challenge to see who could get more people to give them things from their registry. This is by far the best of the ideas, but Laura and I were uncomfortable extracting compliments from people, I'm sure we won't be able to extract gifts. So here's what I've decided on:

YOU WILL NOW PLAN YOUR PARTY. Post the plans on the blog. This can mean anything from invites to decorations to what food you will serve to who will be invited. Bonus points if you actually throw the party (I can tell you right now I will not be earning these bonus points) and bonus BONUS points if you can get people to get you things off your registry.

Because I will not be able to attend your pretend party, Laura, nor you mine, we will each also get one thing for the other person off of their registry. (El if you are in any way uncomfortable with this, we can scrap it, but I thought it might be fun to get mail that we actually want). Then whenever we receive the gifts we will post a thank you to the blog.

Deadline: Party planning and ordering the person's gift must be done by Sunday, March 29 (midnight your time).

Punishment for not being in the partying spirit: I'm staying with Laura's licking of the bottom of a shoe you wore all day.

Apology: This, admittedly had too many elements to it. I will next time think of my assignment before I "fly by the seat of my pants". The seat of my pants are torn, clearly.

gift registery for laura's americonomy boosting party.

thats right.

i want to spend my good old hard earned american money. on america (or at least for american-ish things. or things that feel american to me. i can't be bothered to check whether things were actually MADE in america. i mean, what do you want me to do, make measured methodical, researched decisions about what i buy? that's decidedly unpatriotic and i've already stopped listening to you. and by you, i mean the voice inside my head that tells me i am a wanton, hedonistic, consumer who should stop thinking about buying things and start reading mark twain if i want to feel connected to this country in any deeply spiritual way.)

then i found these when i was looking on amazon.com (where i am registering myself btw)
...
BIBLE BARS:
but they are sold out!!!

the bullet points describing the bible bar say
--all natural whole food bar.
--from the book of deuteronomy.
--the taste is fantastic.
what a shame they are out. you are what you eat, right?



okay here are things i really want to celebrate my new found trust/love in the americonony.

subscription to bust magazine: $19.95. because ladies like to look at pictures and then buy the things they see in the pictures. i'd rather hold up an aldos shoe ad than a mirror to see myself most clearly.









ALSO because i never want to stop being a teen-ager and i think that is a very american feeling.


these colors don't run belt buckle: $7.99
(there is only 2 left in stock, YO!)

real leather belt for interchangeable buckle:
$24.95








two books for book learnin':

call of the weird: travels in american subcultures (new) $1.85

new roadside america (used) $1.84



























season 1 deadwood: sweary tv western $16.98 used (yes dvd owners i will take your sloppy seconds if it means i am supporting the americonomy.)











daisy rock: white daisies guitar strap $9.99 (am promising to learn a taylor hicks song to make this gift more "country".)

















wilton bakers adorable yellow handled pastry blender: $6.99.
(i will use this to make the crust of some all american, lattice top apple pie.)
















more books: neil gaimen's american gods (yes it's a fantasy novel and written by a brit, but it is set in america and therefore is american) paperback $10.19

Assignment 11 Part 1: Greedy McCallister

The event I am going to be celebrating is "I'm sick of living out of a bag when I stay at my boyfriend's, seriously can't I just have a drawer you giant asshole?" day. It's a really fun day where I sabotage someone's space with my own things. But first, I need to GET my own things. TINY versions of my own things, or just a second version of my own things so that I can stop PACKING A BAG WHENEVER I LEAVE MY HOUSE YOU GIANT ASSHOLE.

I would like to register for Amazon.com for the following:

Philosophy Hope in a Jar 0.5 Oz $15

Bumble and Bumble Prep 8.0 oz $22

crocs Women's Alice Mary Jane Red, Size 9 $14.75

Conair 124A 1600-Watt Mini Turbo Folding Hair Dryer $11.36

Bumble and Bumble Thickening Spray 2.0 oz $12.00

Crown Belleza Makeup Brush Set 610 $24.00

Mac Pro 12 Pallet Shimmer Eyeshadows $10.50

Mens Hanes 3 Pair ComfortSoft Woven Boxer Asst - MWCST Size Medium $8.65 (what, don't I get to lounge too?)

HUE Women's V-Neck Sleep Tee Shirt Color RED HOT $6.60

THE END OF GIFT REGISTRY FOR KATE MULLIGAN

Assignment 11: Under 30, Under $30

My friends are getting married. My friends are getting registered for gifts. Friends and siblings are having babies. Friends and siblings are getting registered for gifts. And although I have heard that there is a Sex in the City episode referring to this topic, I will hereby insist that I never watched the show (I really didn't, and if I did ever have HBO in my life I would watch only Real Sex).

Laura and I are under 30 and without any reason to register for free gifts. Or DO WE have a reason.

THE ASSIZZY: This assignment is coming in two parts.

Part 1: By midnight this Wednesday (3/25) you must register on this blog for things you want or need for a made-up occassion. Pick one online vendor, (in other words you can't register for things from that local fruit market you like so much- kiowano! (double parenthesis: too lazy to check last post to see what that puffer fish fruit is actually called)) and come up with 2 to 10 things you would like to have from that vendor. They should all be under $30. Also make up the event that you are registering for. If you want new DVDs, give a list of the DVDs at BestBuy.com you would like to have because it's "Fill Your Shelf Day". There is no rule about what type of things you register for, just pick one online vendor, make up an event you are celebrating, make sure all the items are under $30 and make a list of up to 10 of them.

Part 2 will follow once the lists are posted. There is no punishment for this one, El, because there is no reason that you cannot make a quick greedy list by Wednesday at midnight. Shiyyyyiiiit... mine has been composed in my head already... as of last Tuesday.

assignment ten: complete

as you can see above i decided to go in the "weird fruit" direction for this assignment.
my before and after story will closely follow the scientific method.

hypothosis:
weird, tropical, beautiful, kooky looking fruit will taste delicious and transport me to another, more exotic place. sensory teleportation of the tropical pursuasion. it will also make me a better poet. i am a fool for not eating one already.

materials:
--1 kiwano: the orange, spiny, porcupiney specimin you see above. it is from new zealand.
--1 star fruit: the less scary looking orange fruit with browning edges. its fancy name is carambola and it grows on the branches of trees in places like indonesia and hawaii (USA!)

methodology:
step 1: go on the internet. find out a recipie or just a webpage that describes how to cut it without poisoning myself.
step 2: eat fruit.

observation 1a (via the internet): it turns out the kiwano is a fruit that is mainly grown for decorative purposes. huh? anyway the insides are full of neon green nikelodeon gak and seeds and it tastes vaguely like a cucumber. but it lasts for a really long time on that gourd shelf you have created for your bathroom, next to the potpourri canister adorned with teddy bears. you know you have a gourd shelf, dont lie.

observation 1b (via the internet): the star fruit, on the other hand, is supposed to be delicious, full of anti-oxidants, and a fancy garnish that will help you win friends and influence people when you serve cakes at dinner parties.

observation 1c (from real life): unfortunately the kiwano fruit, probably jealous of the star fruits superior ratings on the internet took the opportunity to puncture my star fruit in the grocery bag, speeding up the ripening process and bruising the shit out of it. the star fruit denied all wrongdoing and insisted that it simply "fell down the stairs."

observation 1d: don't mess with daddy kiwano.

observation 1e: despite domestic abuse, star fruit still decidedly cute.

step 2: i ate star fruit with some yogart for breakfast.


results:
screw you kiwano. you are all flash and no substance. (i will display you on my gourd shelf.)
re: star fruit. i will keep you in mind if i ever need glazed fruit as a fancy cake garnish, but otherwise, meh. maybe you were overripe.

conclusion:
laura like bananas.
also, pretty things on the outside are not always worthy of poetry.

the end.

Assignment 10 Completed: Fuck Fear Factor!

I cleaned my plate (baked potato demolished later). But what did I clean it of....





This assignment was like fear factor for me. Eat something I've never eaten before? Shit. That's fish. Do I go for the thing that I am the most scared of? Yes... or else Laura will make me lick my shoe.


BACKSTORY/BEFORE: Remember that scene in Amelie? Not 15 women having concurrent orgasms, nay. The goldfish bouncing around on the floor?

That happened to me circa kindergarten. Stevie Tagmeier took his black goldfish out of its tank and made me hold it. But it didn't want to be held. It wanted to bounce on the floor. From that day forward (read: even 27 year old Kate) I was deathly afraid of fish. Especially the ones that look like fish. If they are neon with horns and we cannot eat them, I am less scared of them. Scared how? Like used to dream about opening a closet and fish came pouring out on me.

My fear was only compounded when in my tweens I was taken to a place in Colorado called The Trout Haven(http://www.trouthavenranch.com/), where you catch your own fish and then they grill them for you. Mine wouldn't die when I caught it, so the boy who was running the pond (and I say boy because he was between 8 and 14... you can't tell in Colorado) took a wooden cylinder out of his belt and beat the fish over the head until blood came out of its eye sockets and it died. Needless to say, my ever-present fear of fish translated into me never eating them. Gag reflex and chill bumps ensued if I even tried.

THE Story/ After: I will eat fish!

A coworker and I go to a place she swears has the best fish we can get. I order the white fish, she orders the sea bass. She is willing to switch if I like hers better (foreshadowing!).

I take a bite of the white fish.









The white fish still tastes a bit like fish. I picture the goldfish on the ground and blood out of eye sockets. Chill bumps.

I take a bite of seabass. I.... dare I say it... don't hate it.
We switch. Sucker! She has to eat the white fish.
I will eat her seabass.
Another co-worker gives me a bite of salmon.
Bitch! That was really pushing it!

I finish the seabass. [Please see first picture] All gone. I don't hate fish! Laura's assignment fixed me!

I find out later that seabass are endangered and I am an asshole for eating one.

ASSIGNMENT ten: (dis)comfort food

even though it was hard to stomach, we filled our bellies with self esteem (see past assignment.)
now we are going to eat food. real. food.

your assignment is: to eat something you have never eaten before. give us a before and after story.

i don't care how you want to go about it, you could go to the grocery store and buy that weird fruit that has been eyeballing you like a teeny porcupine and figure out how to deshuck it or whatever you do to a teeny porcupine fruit thingy at the grocery store, you can order something at a fancy restaurant that you can barely pronounce and would normally steer clear of in order to ward off the public shame of saying it aloud, or you can get a recipe for baked alaska and, well, teach me what is in baked alaska, please!

deadline: sunday the 22 of march at midnight.
punishment: take a picture of yourself licking the bottom of your shoe. the shoe you wore that day. you can't clean off the shoe first. no.

Assignment Neuf: Kate's Scavenger Hunt Results

Okay, a really quick confession. I hated this assignment. That being said, it was REALLY really nice of people to take the time to respond and I was overwhelmed by the responses. [Note for the future: when those people need favors, I am theirs.] I totally feel self re-steemed. Except for that my relationship may be over... my boyfriend did NOT respond! Really? Couldn't think of ONE thing I look nice in?!

RESULTS SCAVENGED FROM THE HUNT:

Best physical feature: Your legs down to the flo'!

I look good in: pink

I am unique because: Is this a real question? You are unique because you talked to everyone in the Willard Cafeteria, no matter who they were or whether or not you knew them. You are unique because you wore all pink outfits all the time just because you liked them. You are unique because of the way you say "ba-uh-by" (baby) and how you a tall, white, Irish lady who does a great Bill Cosby. You are unique because you are a comedian who really cares about family and lame stuff like that.

Time I made you laugh: there isn't a time you haven't made me laugh

You would trade me for my ________: tits - they ARE bigger than mine and we are not getting into this again [editors note: this is the only time I have been envied for my "tits"]

The first time you met me, you thought: this girl is gorgeous AND has integrity (sp). then i realized she was also funny and was like, WOW! i will like to talk to her TOOOOO!

I am at my best: When you are leading. You're a natural. All ages: adults, children, inbetweeners. People want to listen to you. People look up to you. People trust you. I trust you

My best talent is: Rap Dancing

My best trait is: your inability to waste time

In ten years you see me: Following a Parker Posey-esque movie career, married, one baby (it's a boy with red hair named Angus), thin. You are the mom that has kid birthday parties where the adults use the slip n' slide and bouncy as much as the kids do. You also maybe do some red carpet comedy stuff?

In twenty years you see me: Signing your very obnoxious memoir "I Bleed Pink" at the Barnes and Noble in The Grove. The first chapter is "The Spirit of Lucy is Alive and Well." It's a retrospective on your enormous success as a result of three hit sitcoms (each one a spinoff of the last) and a movie franchise based on a character orginally called "The Most Passive-Aggressive Mother on the Planet" during your one season on SNL. In twenty years, you see my waiting in line for you to sign my copy and as I get close enough to say hello, you have me escorted out of the store. It's because I'm not wearing pants.

My legacy will be: whatever you want it to be

What you like about me: I just love you.

If I were President I would be: PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is there a funny person I remind you of: yourself

My comedy is unique because: Babies and Grandmas are all the same..

In an audition I should know about myself: You are genuinely and effortlessly funny and only a small percentage of the world fits into that category. If you can trust in yourself completely, there's nothing stopping you.

On stage I should know about myself: you are a badass

When I am feeling down about myself, I should think: My grandfather loves you so much. I mean, that's not a great example but not only are you beautiful, funny and intelligent you also are remarkable with grandparents and babies.

When I want to quit "the biz", I should think: fuck the po-lice.

Write ins:
i admire kate because she is QUICK and disarming! which equals funny because she gets to the truth before you do!

I LOVE YOU KATE!

ASSIGNMENT NINE!

This was very hard for me to do.
And harder for me to complete.
Because what if i post nice things about myself and i a.) don't live up to them or b.) don't live up to them or c.) die trying to live up to them. kidding. no, i'm not. yes i am. no, i'm not.

i have saved a document to my hard drive with all the nice words i have collected, but
i tried to post stuff that would be good advice in general.

Best Physical Feature: big pretty eyes.

I Look Good In: technicolor!

I am Unique Because: You are both dark and silly. You have precision and craziness at your disposal. You are All Things.

Time i made you laugh: Seriously challenging. Maybe the tiny drumset. Maybe your wide-eyed intensity in the IS IT HERE?!??!?! sketch? Maybe the forgotten microwave you played in that one BOM show? There are three. There are three thousand more.

You would trade me for my: eyes, conviction and boobs (EDITORS NOTE: This was written by my boyfriend who DOES exhibit frequent boob envy. plus i guess he has to like my boobs on account of being stuck with them. HAHAHAHA! I WIN!)

The first time you met me, you thought: Holy shit. She knows exactly what to do in any situation, and even when she doesn't, she will make it look like she does. I wish I had that quiet strength of character and that easy confidence. (EDITORS NOTE: i am faking it ALL. THE. TIME!) Also, she's fucking beautiful. I really did think that. And it doesn't count as friend-feelingy-stuff, because I didn't know you) (EDITORS NOTE: mind=blown by the previous statement.) I also thought you were a superb and meticulously precise performer.


I am at my best: When playing with something challenging that you care about...Plus, you have a tenacious, feisty side that comes out when you need it. You are small and cute and funny, but you are no pushover, and I love it!

My best talent is: acting

My best trait is: humility (EDITORS NOTE: then why am i posting compliments about myself! I'm not pretty!!! ahhh! face explosion!)

In ten years you see me: hopefully nearby. i'd miss you if you were too far. with a big heart, still laughing at mild pain experienced by babies (EDITORS NOTE: I will be laughing at funny cats as well.)

In twenty years you see me: leading up a team of brilliant comedy writers who wonder how you consistently deliver it. Also having at some point had a very successful foray into some aesthetic specialty, like fashion or home decor.

My legacy will be: a good friend

What you like about me: we can gab for hours and disagree and be stupid together and never fight and you are open, honest and lovely on the inside.

If i were president i would be: overwhelmed.

When i am feeling down about myself i should think: your success in this business is not a reflection on your ability, quality of work, talent, or especially personal goodness. also, at least you don't have Jenna Jameson for a mom. (sorry, Jenna)

In an audition I should know about myself: (SPOILER ALERT THIS IS GOOD FUCKING ADVICE FOR EVERYONE!!!)that your talents and abilities cannot be judged in their entirety in one audition...and that you are allowed to totally fuck up and then laugh at yourself for the rest of the day. that you are pretty. that you are fascinating. that no one else who comes in will be anything even remotely like you.

Is there a funny person i remind you of: I don't watch you and think, "oh, she's just like __________." Other people sometimes remind me OF you, though. Like that insurance lady in those commercials. :) (EDITORS NOTE: man i wish i was around to slather on the eyeliner for that progressive advertising campaign i would be ROLLING IN IT!!! FREE ROUND OF DRINKS FOR ANYONE WHO COMPLIMENTS ME!)

My comedy is unique because: it is created through sweat, fueled by joy, and delivered with a surprise.

Onstage i should know about myself: all eyes on you.

When I want to quit "the biz", I should think: We know this business does not give people what they deserve. You can do lots of things and may well find deeper and more long-term satisfaction in them. You are also really good at this and have devoted conscientious, non-self-promoting work to it. You could think, "maybe I'll take a break. I can always come back to it if I want." That's what you should think. Just relax and do what you want...Except walk the streets alone at night. STOP DOING THAT!!!! (EDITORS NOTE: Thank you, I WILL. but can someone book me on a national commercial so i can always take a cab?!)

Free-Skate Entry
I have always idolized Laura because she uses her body in fierce and bold ways in her always-smart comedy.

i have to go.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE I solicited for compliments. the moral is: friends are awesome. and they will be awesome forever, even when you are being a needy whiny bitch. so take some time and tell your friends how pretty and smart and great they are NOW. tell them. do it. now.

and be happy. that is also what i learned.

kiss.
laura.

Assignment Neye-n: Self Esteem Scavenger Hunt

A bedtime storty: Elle Grey and Keight Mulligan are sometimes defeated by themselves. At auditions Kayt tells herself why she will not get a part. Loreuh doubts her chosen path. But how do these two protagonists in our tale defeat their inner antagonists? Why they set off on a quest to self re-steem.

The Assignment: The below is a list of things you must collect on a scavenger hunt. You send(ie by email) or take (ie by walking with your legs) this list to people you know and they donate items. It will be awkward. We will hate this. But yes, basically we are collecting compliments. We will then post our list by Sunday, March 15th 11:59 pm (your own time zone).

Some rules: Collect only one donation per item on the list. Ideally you will collect every item, but secretly we both believe that is impossible. Leave the donors anonymous when you post the list. Try to collect no more than two items from any one person. Also leave 5 blank lines so people can write in their own if they feel like it.

The punishment: Freeze a bra overnight and wear it the next day. Photo-journal (the verb) this experience.

THE LIST OF ITEMS YOU MUST COLLECT

Best physical feature:

I look good in:

I am unique because:

Time I made you laugh:

You would trade me for my ________:

The first time you met me, you thought:

I am at my best:

My best talent is:

My best trait is:

In ten years you see me:

In twenty years you see me:

My legacy will be:

What you like about me:

If I were President I would be:

Is there a funny person I remind you of:

My comedy is unique because:

In an audition I should know about myself:

On stage I should know about myself:

When I am feeling down about myself, I should think:

When I want to quit "the biz", I should think:

(Include 5 blank here)

GO EL! GO K8!

assignment 8: that which delights me is complete.

why be scared, elle?
shinko is adorable--
she barfs out new life!

Number 8: It delights me!!!

Gloria Kate is brand new
My sister made her
I think she may be perfect

assigmnent 7: delight (the emotion not the band)

this assignment is simple.
take a picture of something that delights you.
you have the space of i haiku (5/7/5 yay japanese!) to describe it.
go.

oh and the deadline is sunday at midnight, cause this is just a shorty. and the punishment is you have to take 30 seconds of video of you humping. something. anything.

p.s. kate happy birthday!

here is a picture of delight/delirium from the sandman.
she started off okay and then got crazy.
i'm not sure right now but i think i would rather be crazy of delight than crazy of disappointments. but maybe that is because i never really contemplated what it would be like to have live butterflies come out of my mouth when i speak. probably just as bad.

Assignment 7. Let's Do This Again.

My sister and I went running last October when she came to visit me in the LA LA. She has a son. He is awesome. That's him.

He was in a running stroller while we were running. We crossed a street where the oncoming traffic had a stop sign. A big horrible old ugly fat woman was approaching the stop sign in her big horrible old ugly fat car. She didn't do anything wrong, in fact she wasn't really near us, but I think we must have startled her. So she started making big angry gestures from within her car about "Watch where you're going". Rolled down her windows and all. Despite nearby nephew asleep in stroller, I had to let this bitch know what's what.

So I started screaming, and I mean SCA-REAMING about "Don't you make a face at us because you appraoched a stop sign too quickly. We have the right of way. There is a CHILD with us. RIGHT OF WAY, BIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTCH" It escalated. Like a lot. Like to "You horrible bitch, keep driving". But unfortunately my anger rant did not change her mind. I think she just thought I was cray cray. So I'd like to take it back and re-do it.

I never yelled at her in front of my sister and baby nephew. Instead, I wrote her the following monologue and I imagine that she had to perform it in front of everyone she's ever wronged.

"My name is Bigfat Uglyson. I do not like myself, just as you do not like me. I have money. Somehow I have confused having money with having the right to do whatever I please whenever I please. It's a good thing I have money, though, because boy do I not have anything else. I certainly don't have confidence. Oh no, I can tell that you are starting to feel bad for me. Please do not. Because unlike other unhappy, miserable and self-hating people, I do not reach out kindly to others to change my ways and my situation. Nay. I push people away with my aggressive behavior and self-righteousness. I've found that the best way to cure my self-confidence issue is just to behave as if I have too much of the stuff. For example, I am never wrong. Oh, it's delightful to never be wrong, but I'll let you in on a little secret... I know I am wrong. I flail all the more wildly when I know that I am wrong. That girl and her sister and nephew who were out running- I know they didn't do anything wrong. I did... when I began to act like a miserable whore. Really I was just mad that they were out running because the only exercise I ever get is when once a month I break all the mirrors in my house. I also didn't like that they had a cute child with them. Children, even the ugly ones, will not go near me. But that's a perfect example... I knew I was wrong and I flailed about. That's right- I fight you all the harder when I'm wrong. But at night, when I think back on my empty day and I realize the only human contact I had was me being a bitch to people- I do feel like I was wrong. And I go to sleep crying every night. Not because the world is cruel to me, but because I'm too dumb to unclench my fists and make some friends. So feel embarassed about engaging me in your rage, but do not feel bad for me. I'm a self-made-and-proud-of-it-bitch. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go back to my very depressing life which is far inferior to yours."

assignment 7: complete!

my assignment was to re-invent my anger.

so i decided to make a greeting card.

front.














GAH! INSIDE!















i had a couple of "dress up!"/"haha whore, you're going nowhere!"
kind of auditions this week and i wish i could have handed this out as fair warning to remind myself that the crazy lies inside, lurking, ready to turn that pansy flower into an eye gouger if i am not careful. my anger deserves its own greeting card. "tiny little angry lady me" might be "less diminutive and pretty honest, or at least getting over it with a sense of humor lady me" if i didn't spend so much time trying to ignore her reminders that my job sometimes makes me feel shitty about myself due to the obscure semi-logic of the commercial demigods that are running the place.

moral: open the card and be furiously reminded, so that when you open your mouth to congratulate someone else on their success happy words come out and not the angry ignored angry ones.

(jpk i loves you.)

fury out.