Sunday, March 15, 2009


This was very hard for me to do.
And harder for me to complete.
Because what if i post nice things about myself and i a.) don't live up to them or b.) don't live up to them or c.) die trying to live up to them. kidding. no, i'm not. yes i am. no, i'm not.

i have saved a document to my hard drive with all the nice words i have collected, but
i tried to post stuff that would be good advice in general.

Best Physical Feature: big pretty eyes.

I Look Good In: technicolor!

I am Unique Because: You are both dark and silly. You have precision and craziness at your disposal. You are All Things.

Time i made you laugh: Seriously challenging. Maybe the tiny drumset. Maybe your wide-eyed intensity in the IS IT HERE?!??!?! sketch? Maybe the forgotten microwave you played in that one BOM show? There are three. There are three thousand more.

You would trade me for my: eyes, conviction and boobs (EDITORS NOTE: This was written by my boyfriend who DOES exhibit frequent boob envy. plus i guess he has to like my boobs on account of being stuck with them. HAHAHAHA! I WIN!)

The first time you met me, you thought: Holy shit. She knows exactly what to do in any situation, and even when she doesn't, she will make it look like she does. I wish I had that quiet strength of character and that easy confidence. (EDITORS NOTE: i am faking it ALL. THE. TIME!) Also, she's fucking beautiful. I really did think that. And it doesn't count as friend-feelingy-stuff, because I didn't know you) (EDITORS NOTE: mind=blown by the previous statement.) I also thought you were a superb and meticulously precise performer.

I am at my best: When playing with something challenging that you care about...Plus, you have a tenacious, feisty side that comes out when you need it. You are small and cute and funny, but you are no pushover, and I love it!

My best talent is: acting

My best trait is: humility (EDITORS NOTE: then why am i posting compliments about myself! I'm not pretty!!! ahhh! face explosion!)

In ten years you see me: hopefully nearby. i'd miss you if you were too far. with a big heart, still laughing at mild pain experienced by babies (EDITORS NOTE: I will be laughing at funny cats as well.)

In twenty years you see me: leading up a team of brilliant comedy writers who wonder how you consistently deliver it. Also having at some point had a very successful foray into some aesthetic specialty, like fashion or home decor.

My legacy will be: a good friend

What you like about me: we can gab for hours and disagree and be stupid together and never fight and you are open, honest and lovely on the inside.

If i were president i would be: overwhelmed.

When i am feeling down about myself i should think: your success in this business is not a reflection on your ability, quality of work, talent, or especially personal goodness. also, at least you don't have Jenna Jameson for a mom. (sorry, Jenna)

In an audition I should know about myself: (SPOILER ALERT THIS IS GOOD FUCKING ADVICE FOR EVERYONE!!!)that your talents and abilities cannot be judged in their entirety in one audition...and that you are allowed to totally fuck up and then laugh at yourself for the rest of the day. that you are pretty. that you are fascinating. that no one else who comes in will be anything even remotely like you.

Is there a funny person i remind you of: I don't watch you and think, "oh, she's just like __________." Other people sometimes remind me OF you, though. Like that insurance lady in those commercials. :) (EDITORS NOTE: man i wish i was around to slather on the eyeliner for that progressive advertising campaign i would be ROLLING IN IT!!! FREE ROUND OF DRINKS FOR ANYONE WHO COMPLIMENTS ME!)

My comedy is unique because: it is created through sweat, fueled by joy, and delivered with a surprise.

Onstage i should know about myself: all eyes on you.

When I want to quit "the biz", I should think: We know this business does not give people what they deserve. You can do lots of things and may well find deeper and more long-term satisfaction in them. You are also really good at this and have devoted conscientious, non-self-promoting work to it. You could think, "maybe I'll take a break. I can always come back to it if I want." That's what you should think. Just relax and do what you want...Except walk the streets alone at night. STOP DOING THAT!!!! (EDITORS NOTE: Thank you, I WILL. but can someone book me on a national commercial so i can always take a cab?!)

Free-Skate Entry
I have always idolized Laura because she uses her body in fierce and bold ways in her always-smart comedy.

i have to go.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE I solicited for compliments. the moral is: friends are awesome. and they will be awesome forever, even when you are being a needy whiny bitch. so take some time and tell your friends how pretty and smart and great they are NOW. tell them. do it. now.

and be happy. that is also what i learned.


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